;Wednesday, May 21, 2008
TIME:10.20PM
my brother treated me lunch at MOS burger today because i juz return him $110($80 for cordon bleu and $30 for my dad's b'day present) so he "felt" rich thus he treat me.. LOL~ i was well-aware that my dad's b'day is around the end of may but because of financial issues.. i'm working alot and there's not time slot for his dinner.. i'm a bad son, sry~
i suddenly tio enlighten this afternoon after chatting wid my brother.. actually all along, i might have been a mentally tortured person trying to have a sense of responsibility to myself so i feel my existence and all along i took her as my responsibility.. yes, there was love between us BUT i guess the love was gone after like 10 months actually. I hang onto her because she has become a liability to me, I told myself i muz be responsible for the things i've said, i promised her i'll be there for her forever and ever and never leave her out of the lurch..
There was a period I really wanna break up with her but i still hang on, I was confident I could find my "feel" back BUT somehow i forgot that u lost ur "feel" for me too. Chris was right, he have been motivating me to break up actually becoz from a 3rd party view, he say i've already love her no more, sorry for not taking ur opinion chris =\ mayb i should have broke up with her earlier but well, she've ended it herself already..
i'm trying very hard to take the past 2 years as a dream, in the meantime, i wanna study as usual, earn more money and not forgetting to spend time with my brothers. i feel that the air i breath now are much more better because i've offload my responsiblity(her) and i'm like a free man again.. and since i've become fat, i guess no gals would want me, HAHA! people are materialistic, if u tell mi looks doesnt matter.. u R juz lying to urself..
but 1st of all, i still wanna enjoy my singlehood. CLUB SMOKE DRINK will always my 1st priority for now, we all have to die one day so why not juz enjoy? even if u don smoke and drink, u still die plus the fact is u die slower but is that wat u wan? i cant stand how this world works, looking at it for 1 more second makes me sick =\ juz see how ppl react to si chuan earthquake, ppl R telling me how poor thing those china ppl R.. i admit they R very poor thing.. but do u know wat those ppl was chatting wid me 5 months ago? they were cursing the china ppl coz they R coming to steal our job. fucking lmao~ ppl healthy u curse them, now they got natural disasater u pity them.. wtf?
i actually went for a jog this evening and i ran 1.6 KM w/o stopping.. it's quite a remarkable acheivement for a smoker and someone who hasnt do sports for quite awhile~ HAHA..
and one last thing i wanna tell u ppl.. i've wake up from my sleep, i've finally take action, don get the wrong idea.. i still haven find a new gal but wat i'm saying is.. i throwed away things that shouldnt be in my room anymore =)
a big packet of rubbish that went into the waste bin today after clearing up.
for the past 2 years, i was living in a black and white world, thinking and pondering about my responsibility and future.
but now, i could see the blue sky and feel the wind again, i realise the world did not stop spinning and i've to catch up if not it's too late.. and even at dark nights.. there will be a lamp for me.. LOL~
-Avenger In The Making
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Blogged @ 9:15 PM
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