The world is evil, I hate the world: how society functions, how materialistic we all are, how judgemental we are, how appearance orientated we all are, how capitalist we have turned out, how sinful we are, how selfish we are, how we destroy our world I reckon God should just kill us all and start the human race again.. No, im not Christian just agnostic.

; Alex Chua ; 1st of December

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TIME:8.45pm

It's been weeks since I've been feeling very negative, I try to ask myself what went wrong exactly because I get negative easily even over small things but this time, I feel that this "something" in me is really making not just negative but to a depressing state. I started to think whether it's my NS, Friends, Love or my mum's incident but none of it was really hitting until a depress state.

I didnt give up finding the answer in my heart on what exactly went wrong. I manage to find the answer in the end.

Faith. I've lost Faith in something I always hold belief since young. I realize after my mum incident, together with a snowball of negative events happening around me, my Faith towards my God is dropping. I make fun of God, mock how incompetent they are at times and even stopped praying to them now.

And it's depressing me because no matter how shitty and hopeless life was for me for the past 23 years, I always hold Faith in God thinking that they will turn the hardest tide for me no matter what as long as I pray hard enough and truthfully towards them. But whenever I face trouble nowadays, perhaps due to the lost in Faith, I think the worst for anything and everything because I can't find anything positive around me, I've forgotten how it feels to be positive.

And now, I have this feeling my life is more or less coming to an end and this feeling is getting stronger. Is it because I've lost Faith to something I hold since young or I'm in a depression state?

If you read this and is a believer of God, than i guess you can really relate to what I'm writing. If not, it juz look like a load of trash to you.

But I wonder who's still reading this blog anyway?

-Avenger In The Making; Fighting!
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